With each move my list of must haves for a new home seems to increase. The list of things I do not want increases also..
1. Weeds, seriously just die already. You have eaten all the grass and you are immune to weed killer. What kind of weeds are you? I obviously know nothing about the Dirty South.
Totally over you, DIE DIE DIE!
2. Flat paint excuse my language, F*ck you! I hate flat paint. Do not get this kind of paint if you have children. I have scribbles, hand prints, water & grease stains etc. I need paint you can wipe, something! We will probably be losing some of our deposit. Oh well, side note: baby Angelo mommy loves your art work on the walls.
3. Ok so are all new tubs this plastic/fiberglass whatever the hell? What happened to the old school tubs? Sigh.
4. I would love a yard with a fence. It does not even have to be that big. I want it just big enough so I can play with Angelo. We have no fence. Sad face
5. I have a phobia with attics people, seriously. Horror movies have not helped this either. I am also scared of spiders. I know they are up in that attic chilling, waiting to jump on me. I send Randal up there for everything. I think I will leave that out of the floor plan if we build a house.
6. Shady neighbor I am so over you. Just because I did not want to attend your church and I took my baby trick or treating does not make me a devil. Fine, don’t talk to me, whatever. No thank you still means NO THANK YOU. You obviously took it as a sign that I hate God. Ugh! You would be the only house with kids. Gee thanks for the warm welcome. NOT!
7. I hate shopping at Walmart, I really do. Sumter please build me a Target so that I do not have to drive to Columbia or Florence to get to one. P.S. Build a decent mall with no carpet, Kohl’s, Ross, and maybe an Olive Garden Mmmkay. Sincerely, my husband is sick of eating Red Lobster on date nights!
That’s all folks!